something about this still twists my stomach up and gives me the awful feeling of wanting to cry when i know i cant wont or shouldnt.

i dont know how much of this i do to myself.

i have self destructed so many times, i am less than ready to let myself be destroyed by another.

show me the form of kindness.

//too heavy and too expensive

if it mattered i hope you would tell me.
the way it's all been constructed there are doubts in too many corners
if i move my piece there, it will surely be captured in the next round

i am caught either way

do you know that?