it's december again.

last night a friend made me one of those origami fortune tellers. you know, the kind you made in elementary and middle school, about the time when you also played M.A.S.H. heh. i cant believe he still knew how to make one. pick a number. pick a color. here's your fate. i'm tempted to write on it and use it to determine my future.

i love christmas music the best of all.

let loving hearts enthrone Him.

these old songs are strong.

not much of a 'break' for thanksgiving. moving moving moving. calm down, please. everyone. this isnt what it is all about. [i am mostly telling myself this, but listen if youd like.] the first night alone ive had in some time. a breath of fresh air. just the freedom of a long span of time owned by no one but myself. i could handle some more of this... so, thanksgiving. arriving home at 7am on thanksgiving morning, having ridden more than three hours pressed into a tiny, luggage filled car along with four boys [all long-legged, at that]. time with family. the calm of tradition. a saturday wedding. all dressed up, and still blanketed in something that leans more towards hope than plain happiness. ah. i'm happy to hope. am i a mean person? sarcastic and cynical. but you know i love you, dont you? i need more courage, please. courage to speak my thoughts. courage to be alone. courage to work hard.

my flesh and my heart fail.

you havent failed me yet.